A Parenting Journey

I have considered blogging about the parenting journey the Lord has taken me on the last few months. However, at this time, I'm going to simply present a catalyst that may lead you to your own journey. I feel it is valuable to look at our core beliefs and paradigms now and again. If we find them lacking, it gives room for the Holy Spirit to bring transformation. If we find them sound, it gives us the peace and confidence to continue on the path we are going.

There is never one journey that will line up perfectly with another. It is helpful to listen to others, gain wisdom, and ideas, however, we have to make it our own. We have to have the Holy Spirit. It's not cookie cutter.



When I moved to Interlachen, it was the start of a season of transforming my/our parenting. And of course, He had to begin with me.  He had to transform my thinking in several areas to set the groundwork for new territory. I won't say that we had it all wrong. There are a million things I would not change. But there are some important things that I did. I am on an ever changing and growing journey that has produced so much fruit in my relationship with the Lord and in our family life. I hope that some of these resources will stir something in you, or encourage your current state.

One thing I found is that no one book, resource, pastor, teaching, etc "had it all". In fact, there were things I loved and really didn't love about almost everything I came across. But there were key pieces of my puzzle along the way in many different places. The most important, I'd have to say, was what the Lord taught me before I even jumped into parenting research. It helped to have a strong foundation with which to compare what I was learning.

I encourage you to check some of these out...see what the Lord says. Maybe he will point you away from them, maybe He will plant a little seed right now. Either way, it's worth your time.

I have read many books and many resources and had much prayer. So these are just a little representative sampling of some areas of my research...

1. Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson
*Solid on instructing children in the Lord and lovingly disciplining/discipling them. Lighter on practical tools, but definitely has some. The goal is to equip you with principles and examples to be Spirit led. His wife's blog here.

2. (NEW!) Romancing Your Child's Heart by Monte Swan
* I haven't even finished this book and it made it to this list. The title says it all. Read it, you will get something out of it. I'll update this description after I finish the book.

3.Loving Your Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk
-OR- Listen to it in 6 sessions here (scroll down to Danny Silk)
*Some very good paradigm challenging here. In the audio version, he used a lot of humor and sarcasm which may not be what I always preferred, but a very good teacher and grasp of parenting as God parents us. Listening to the introduction will give you a good taste and a lot to think about. Heavy on the "practical tools" side rather than instructing in the Lord side. It would make a 500 page book if someone tried to cover it all I guess!

4. Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel
*pretty good resource for category of grace-based parenting

5. Article on the "rod verses". Click here
*Good article if you are researching the rod verses on the topic of spanking/not spanking, very thorough.

6.  Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton
*pretty good for the category of "gentle parenting" or "grace based"

7.(NEW!) The Heat of Anger by Lou Priolo
* Very thorough on teaching a parent how to help a child be aware of and to examine the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. This book is Biblically based without much theory or behaviorism and is mostly coming from a counseling perspective. While I did find this book very valuable for some things, I do feel that taken to the extreme could embitter a child. I think you find things you like and don't like about every book, but it is worth a read as an adult or to help a child.

8. Tedd Tripp sermon series for Shepherding a Child's heart
*While there are sections of this that do not resonate with me, there is some really good stuff in here about focusing on a child's heart vs. behaviorism. 

9. The Bible
*I am not just adding this in for good measure. This is the measuring stick...we can't forget that.

If you want more resources, just ask. I have many!

My last thought and question is if you as a reader would want more on this topic. I have kept this vague and general, but will prayerfully consider laying pieces of my puzzle out there if people want to hear. Comment below. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

An ideal parenting relationship mirrors the profound relationship that we have with God. As young people, we grope our way towards faith. And as new parents, we move slowly and hesitatingly toward greater knowledge of our children. We grow together - the child growing in size and strength, the parents growing in wisdom and empathy. This is the journey that leads to understanding. And that is the surest way to grace. William Sears, MD

I have considered blogging about the parenting journey the Lord has taken me on the last few months. However, at this time, I'm going to simply present a catalyst that may lead you to your own journey. I feel it is valuable to look at our core beliefs and paradigms now and again. If we find them lacking, it gives room for the Holy Spirit to bring transformation. If we find them sound, it gives us the peace and confidence to continue on the path we are going.

There is never one journey that will line up perfectly with another. It is helpful to listen to others, gain wisdom, and ideas, however, we have to make it our own. We have to have the Holy Spirit. It's not cookie cutter.



When I moved to Interlachen, it was the start of a season of transforming my/our parenting. And of course, He had to begin with me.  He had to transform my thinking in several areas to set the groundwork for new territory. I won't say that we had it all wrong. There are a million things I would not change. But there are some important things that I did. I am on an ever changing and growing journey that has produced so much fruit in my relationship with the Lord and in our family life. I hope that some of these resources will stir something in you, or encourage your current state.

One thing I found is that no one book, resource, pastor, teaching, etc "had it all". In fact, there were things I loved and really didn't love about almost everything I came across. But there were key pieces of my puzzle along the way in many different places. The most important, I'd have to say, was what the Lord taught me before I even jumped into parenting research. It helped to have a strong foundation with which to compare what I was learning.

I encourage you to check some of these out...see what the Lord says. Maybe he will point you away from them, maybe He will plant a little seed right now. Either way, it's worth your time.

I have read many books and many resources and had much prayer. So these are just a little representative sampling of some areas of my research...

1. Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson
*Solid on instructing children in the Lord and lovingly disciplining/discipling them. Lighter on practical tools, but definitely has some. The goal is to equip you with principles and examples to be Spirit led. His wife's blog here.

2. (NEW!) Romancing Your Child's Heart by Monte Swan
* I haven't even finished this book and it made it to this list. The title says it all. Read it, you will get something out of it. I'll update this description after I finish the book.

3.Loving Your Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk
-OR- Listen to it in 6 sessions here (scroll down to Danny Silk)
*Some very good paradigm challenging here. In the audio version, he used a lot of humor and sarcasm which may not be what I always preferred, but a very good teacher and grasp of parenting as God parents us. Listening to the introduction will give you a good taste and a lot to think about. Heavy on the "practical tools" side rather than instructing in the Lord side. It would make a 500 page book if someone tried to cover it all I guess!

4. Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel
*pretty good resource for category of grace-based parenting

5. Article on the "rod verses". Click here
*Good article if you are researching the rod verses on the topic of spanking/not spanking, very thorough.

6.  Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton
*pretty good for the category of "gentle parenting" or "grace based"

7.(NEW!) The Heat of Anger by Lou Priolo
* Very thorough on teaching a parent how to help a child be aware of and to examine the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. This book is Biblically based without much theory or behaviorism and is mostly coming from a counseling perspective. While I did find this book very valuable for some things, I do feel that taken to the extreme could embitter a child. I think you find things you like and don't like about every book, but it is worth a read as an adult or to help a child.

8. Tedd Tripp sermon series for Shepherding a Child's heart
*While there are sections of this that do not resonate with me, there is some really good stuff in here about focusing on a child's heart vs. behaviorism. 

9. The Bible
*I am not just adding this in for good measure. This is the measuring stick...we can't forget that.

If you want more resources, just ask. I have many!

My last thought and question is if you as a reader would want more on this topic. I have kept this vague and general, but will prayerfully consider laying pieces of my puzzle out there if people want to hear. Comment below. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

An ideal parenting relationship mirrors the profound relationship that we have with God. As young people, we grope our way towards faith. And as new parents, we move slowly and hesitatingly toward greater knowledge of our children. We grow together - the child growing in size and strength, the parents growing in wisdom and empathy. This is the journey that leads to understanding. And that is the surest way to grace. William Sears, MD